What does your dad really want for Father's Day?
Probably a sixer of Coors and a gift certificate for Hooters, but he
won't be getting either of those because the idea of your dad drunk and
ogling waitresses is too much for you to bear.
Dads are hard to shop for. It's tough to switch gears from seeing your
pop as a human ATM machine to actually spending cash on something for
him. So I'll help out by examining the "pros and cons" of popular
Father's Day gifts.
Tie: Great if your dad's workplace requires ties. Bad if it's
accompanied by a card that says, "Just in case you ever get a freakin'
job, Dad. God."
"World's Greatest Dad" coffee mug: Only OK if it's an
ironic purchase.
iPod: Good idea. Buy me one too. I could use a spare.
Golf clubs: You are a said cliché. But at least you spent a lot
of money.
Cologne: Do you want to imply that your dad smells funny?
Tools: This is an acceptable gift only if you, personally, don't
have something you want fixed.
Paying off his bookie: You are the most understanding kid ever.
Gift certificate: "Hey, Pop, I just want you to know that I am so
self-absorbed that I can't take the time to figure out anything you
might like. So go buy yourself something pretty."
Hooker: Mom probably wouldn't appreciate this.
Quality time with the kids: Instead of a tangible present, I'm
having my dad over for brunch. I'll feed him pancakes and bacon and
then, when his guard is down, I'll hit him up for money.
After all, that's what dads are for.
Jessica is not nepotistic when it comes to hitting people up for
money. Send her an e-check at
jburgess@QuickDFW.com.
