You know the saying "you get what you pay for"? Well, it's not true.
Jessica Burgess
Clearly Unedited
In fact, sometimes you pay $300 for a laptop on eBay and it turns out to be a piece of crap. And crap is certainly not worth $300. Or even $30.
Maybe $3, depending on your particular interests.
But that is your business.
Since eBay is dead to me (except when it comes to new-with-tags Gap skirts) and I needed a new laptop, the logical choice was one of those crappy chain electronics stores that I hate, whose anonymity I will protect by calling it Crappy Chain Electronics Store That I Hate.
I don't know anything about computers (see purchase of eBay laptop), so I dragged along this guy who is so geeky that he actually owns – and sometimes wears! – a Mega Man T-shirt.
To me, computers are useful for approximately two things: writing, and Googling old boyfriends. So we headed straight for the cheapest one. It was shiny. I petted it and smiled vacantly.
Then a sales guy sidled over. "You know," he said. "I hate to see people buying laptops with these inferior processors. That's the same kind my extremely old and doddering grandparents use. And they think it's too slow."
Sinister sales genius! Aloofly, I said, "Thanks for your valuable computer advice. But we're just looking for right now." Then I turned to my boyfriend and whispered, "Go see how much that one with the better processor costs."
He looked, then told me the price. "Guh," I said. "Do I even have that much money?"
"You could always cash in your 401(k)," he said.
"That's true," I said. "A comet is going to destroy the Earth before I turn 59 ½ anyway."
We flagged down the sinister genius sales guy. "I want this," I said, pointing at the spectacularly expensive computer.
"Great!" he said, rubbing his hands together. "The three-year warranty, which covers your computer should it be smashed with an anvil, is only $400.
"And the spyware protection package is $250. We'll install it here, and you should be able to pick up your new computer in just six months."
Suddenly I grabbed the sales guy, and before he could blink, I had him by the throat. "No warranty," I hissed. "No spyware package. Just run my credit card for the list price, put the computer in a bag and give it to me."
"OK," he croaked, and I released him and adjusted my ninja-star belt. I never go into Crappy Chain Electronics Store That I Hate without it.
I can't wait until my computer is all hooked up and I can see if I could have gotten a better deal on eBay.
Jessica would like to send a "shout-out" to the servers at Jen's Place on Alpha Road and let them know that the German chocolate cake she ordered was strictly for use as a paperweight. E-mail her at jburgess@quickdfw.com.
