The huge tray of fried macaroni and cheese alone, on a normal day, would have been plenty.
Jessica Burgess
Clearly Unedited
And even if we had not eaten in a week, and were hollow-cheeked and gaunt with starvation, the platter of fried foods that followed would have left us comfortably satiated.
But this was a special day. The kind of day when you go to a chain restaurant and see it is offering a special of three courses for one low price. One of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities where, if you don't follow 2,000 calories of sustenance with another 1,500 of cheesecake, you are a wasteful jerk.
And if there's one thing I am not, it's wasteful.
These days, I think we all agree that restaurant portions are way too large, and that is the major reason for the obesity epidemic facing our hefty country.
At least, I hope that is the major reason. I would hate to think that I am responsible for my own obesity.
Therefore I am eager to assign blame, and I had my chance the other night, when, at an innocent dinner out, I suddenly found myself ordering not only an appetizer, not only an entree, but also dessert. I could not help myself. It was only $12.99 for the whole shebang.
I knew, as I finished my third chunk of deep-fried pasta, that this was going to be a hard row to hoe. But I gamely worked my way through the rest of the appetizer, as my dining companion, his face pale, gamely consumed his 97 chicken wontons.
Next up was a platter of fried fish for me, and a burger and fries for him. I picked at it listlessly, thinking guiltily about children starving in Third World countries.
Our waiter, exhausted from weeks of this three-course-for one-low-price promotion, robotically delivered two plates of dessert to our table. My dining companion looked scared and fingered his waistband.
I smiled smugly. I had worn elastic-waist pants.
Jessica is hoping for an endorsement deal from a popular weight-loss system. E-mail her at jburgess@quickdfw.com.
