Back in the Garden of Eden, I bet Adam and Eve weren't just automatically created with the exact same priorities.
Jessica Burgess
Clearly Unedited
"C'mon, Eve," I bet Adam would say all the time, exasperated. "We're going to be late for the naming of the beasts."
"Adam," Eve would answer shrilly. "I am HEMMING my FIG LEAF. The beasts are not going to SINK BACK INTO the primordial ooze if we're five minutes late."
(That is only a rough translation, considering that minutes and other units of time had not been invented.)
Adam and Eve made a common mistake. When two people fall in love and decide to mate, they often forget to ask the important questions, such as, "Do you have any STDs, and if so, are they currently flaring up?"
But an even more significant test of compatibility is whether you both place the same priority on arriving at places on time.
For example, he might be a boring dork who insists on getting to appointments half an hour early because apparently his time is not valuable and he feels free to squander it just for the sake of a little politeness.
While she, on the other hand, may be an exciting free spirit who shows up only when the universe sees fit to deposit her.
This dysfunction in my own relationship became obvious early on. Shortly after we started dating, my boyfriend and I were invited to dinner at my parents' house so they could scope him out. (I mean welcome him to the family.)
An hour before we were supposed to be there, the man who would someday become my boyfrusband got very agitated.
"It's about time to start getting ready, don't you think?" he suggested, eyeing his watch exaggeratedly.
"Huh?" I said, shifting my eyes a millimeter from the TV to glance at him. "What's the matter with you? We have an hour."
"We have to be there in an hour," he said.
"Eh, that's just a suggestion."
"Honey, I'd really like to make a good impression," he pleaded. "Can we please get there on time?"
"God. Fine," I said, pulling on my shoes.
When my mom answered the door, she looked surprised. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "We weren't expecting you for at least another hour."
I was annoyed. That would have been plenty of time to run an errand, such as paying the cable bill, or creating original sin.
Jessica loves apples. E-mail her at jburgess@quickdfw.com.
