Sports aren't exactly my bag, though I maintain a rudimentary knowledge
of the basics so I can fool guys into thinking I am low-maintenance.
Jessica Burgess
Clearly Unedited
But this transplanted Milwaukeean who is always mixing in his Stars
boxer shorts with my whites when he does the laundry loves hockey. He
loves it with a desperate passion that, if I thought about it, would
make me jealous.
So when the NHL's opening day was announced after a yearlong lockout, I
knew he'd be ecstatic if I planned a happy hockey outing for the two of
us.
But when I told him, he said he had to work that night. Then, wounded by
my sad face, he said, "But you should go! I know how excited you are!"
Oh no! I was trapped! Trapped like a rat in a snare of my own
faking-a-liking-of-sports making!
So I bought the cheapest ticket and went to the game stag, feeling like
the only girl in school not asked to the homecoming dance. (It was a
familiar feeling.)
Parking was $20 outside the American Airlines Center. I leaned out my
car window and said to the attendant, "Young man, I assume you are
joking when you say it will cost me twice as much as my ticket to leave
my car in this clearly unmonitored lot for three hours?"
Actually I didn't say that because I am non-confrontational. Instead I
thrust a twenty at him and tried to convey my disapproval telepathically.
My seat was smack in the middle of a row on the third level. The guy
next to me, clearly a fan of Stars wing Bill Guerin, had a sign that
said "Victory is GUERIN-teed!"
But tragically, the sign's maker had run out of room while writing the
word "victory," so the "o," "r" and "y" were tiny and squeezed against
the edge of the poster.
My God, I thought, in a burst of poetic clarity. These letters were a
perfect metaphor. Just as they were squeezed against an edge, I was
squeezed into a next-to-last-row seat between two fans who apparently
had found a steady alternate supplier of nachos and other fatty foods
during the lockout.
But then the Stars scored and I lost my train of thought, and also half
my beer.
The game was fast and fun, with the Stars coming back from 4-0 to win.
I'm glad I went, though I hope to get to a game with my boyfriend, a
non-imposter hockey fan, soon.
Next time, though, we're taking DART. I don't feel like getting into a
telepathic confrontation with a parking attendant again.
The guy sitting next to Jessica's sign also said, "Go [drawing of a
star]'s!" E-mail Jessica your favorite sports mottos at
jburgess@quickdfw.com.
