"Your annual solo vacation is coming up!" my boyfrusband said. "You said you were going to go snowboarding – did you find a place that offers lessons? And did you pick out any restaurants or museums you want to check out?"
"Oh gosh, not yet," I said. "I don't want to over-plan. Once I get there, I can look everything up online."
Shunning more affordable, picturesque lodging, I had specifically booked a room with wireless Internet. Because honestly, how could I expect to have a relaxing vacation without access to my favorite bloggers, forums and videos of sneezing baby pandas?
Arriving at my adobe casita after hours of driving, I rushed inside, threw my keys on the floor, and ripped open my laptop bag. I was hungry and needed to find someplace to eat. Luckily, Google is my homepage, so I would waste no time tracking down a local restaurant offering Southwestern cuisine and a substantial dessert menu.
Wait. What was taking so long?
"Trying to connect," my computer assured me.
Nothing was happening! What was I going to do? I was hungry! I didn't know where anything was! I was trapped! Like a rat! A rat circa 1990!
Quickly, I called my boyfrusband. "Make the Internet work," I commanded.
"It sounds like you're out of luck," he said. "Do you have a map?"
"Like MapQuest.com?" I said. "I just told you that the INTERNETS ARE BROKEN."
"Um, no," he said. "I meant like a map that you can unfold and look at."
"Your indecipherable babble is unhelpful," I said, and hung up on him.
Looking around the room, I spied a big book sitting under the telephone. Its pages were yellow. "Hmm," I thought. "What manner of sorcery is this?"
Flipping through it, I found many restaurants and other businesses mentioned. Each listing was followed by a series of numbers.
I wiped the sweat off my brow. I was dimly remembering something. Years ago, in college, my friends and I used a book much like this one to get food. Could I do it again? Did I remember how?
I clutched the phone, closed my eyes for a moment, and then with trembling fingers flipped the pages until I found what I needed.
It was under "p" for "pizza delivery."
Jessica urges you to search for "panda sneeze" on YouTube. E-mail her at jburgess@quickdfw.com.
