There is one major reason why Las Vegas is so great.
Jessica Burgess
Clearly Unedited
Sure, there's fabulous food and marvels of architecture and all that Cirque du Soleil crap. But on my first trip there, what really stood out in my mind as the thing that really makes the city one-of-a-kind, is the free beer.
Of course, there's a small catch involving the freeness of the beer, but it's really not a big deal. You just have to be actively gambling to qualify. But that is OK, because what else are you going to do in Vegas besides gamble? See the shows? Oh, great idea. Do I look 80?
Oh God, do I?
Anyway, I figure over the course of four days there, I probably had 10 free beers. And they were high-class beers, too, probably worth about $4 each. That means I got $40 in free beer. That's amazing! And all I had to do to get it was continuously pump money into video poker machines!
It was a lot of fun, and the only irritation in an otherwise awesome trip was this guy who kept bugging me to come do other stuff besides video poker. "Let's go see Avenue Q," he would beg. "Let's go to a buffet. Can we please leave for just an hour? I haven't seen the sun in days."
But he was pretty easy to get rid of.
"Beat it, honey. I'm busy gambling away the mortgage," I would say, then flag down the bartender. "May I have another one of these delicious – and free! – Samuel Adams beers?"
Of course, you didn't have to get your free beer directly from the bartender. You could also order from cocktail waitresses who were, quite literally, not wearing any pants. They had on bustiers and thongs and tights, but nothing else. Which led me to believe that the casino must be spending a lot of money on that free beer, if they've got to skimp on the uniforms like that.
Even though the waitresses with their butts hanging out were ubiquitous, I mostly avoided them because I was so embarrassed for them. "Here's $20," I kept wanting to say. "Go buy some pants."
But that's $20 I could put in a slot machine, thus qualifying for a $4 beer. And I'm no fool.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, except for bankruptcy. E-mail Jessica at jburgess@quickdfw.com.
