What does it take to get on the Real World, besides gonorrhea?
Jessica Burgess
Clearly Unedited
No, just kidding about the venereal disease. But from watching the show,
it's obvious that to be a part of MTV's classic social experiment you
must be unusually attractive, riddled with annoying personality quirks,
and an early-to-mid-stage alcoholic.
But since there are plenty of people like that, there's got to be an
indefinable something, a certain je ne sais quois, that MTV seeks
when casting the show.
Intent on finding out what it was, I went to the show's open auditions
last weekend at the Beagle, a bar on Greenville Avenue.
Not to try out, since the required age range is between 18 and 24, and I
am just a smidge past that cutoff. (Just a few months, really. Maybe –
maybe – 50 or so.)
No, I was there to witness the emergence of the Leaders of Tomorrow. To
take the Pulse of Today's Youth. To get Easy Column Fodder.
And I was in luck, because even though MTV wouldn't let me in to watch
the auditions, the front of the bar was swarming with fresh-faced
Real World hopefuls, eager to chat about their hopes and dreams.
Justin Gant, black-haired, pierced of face and perhaps the only person
there not decked out in Abercrombie & Fitch, hopes to one day pursue a
career as a stunt performer. But he wouldn't mind taking a little
reality-television detour on his journey through life.
I asked him if he liked the show, and he did, but he had a little
"creative direction" to offer: "I think they should make a
Real World with me and all my friends. It'd be off the wall."
I totally believed him.
Ijeoma Oronobi was there solely to piss off her strict parents. "I want
my life exposed!" she said happily, fluffing out her hair.
While laughing in commiseration, I made a mental note to get a tubal
ligation.
And Didi Roney had already been through the audition process, and didn't
look pleased. "At least I can say I did it," she sighed.
I tried to cheer her up by explaining that life was rife with
failures, but it didn't take.
I don't know if any of these guys made it, but I don't feel like my
investigation was in vain. Judging by casts past and present as well as
the people at the audition, I'm pretty sure that the key to cracking the
Real World is body glitter.
Oh, and the clap.
Clearly, MTV should make a Real World with Jessica and all her
friends. E-mail her at jburgess@quickdfw.com.
