There are many deal-breakers in romantic relationships, things so
horrible that you just can't get over them.
Infidelity.
Jessica Burgess
Clearly Unedited
Abuse.
Drug or alcohol addiction.
And – according to the guy who isn't exactly going to be winning any
freaking awards for housekeeping himself –leaving half-empty Diet
Coke cans sitting out.
But the one thing that all couples must take pains to avoid – and
please be aware that I am an expert, because I have read several Dr.
Phil books – is furniture shopping.
Let me relate a cautionary tale.
My boyfriend and I needed a new bed. Although "new" is probably not the
right word. What we needed was a bed, since we had been sleeping
on a mattress on the floor.
(Girls, some words of wisdom: Even if you're madly in love, before you
move in with a guy, go through his place with a clipboard and a ruthless
eye to make sure he has basic furnishings, such as at least one chair
and a place to sleep that's not just a pile of suspiciously stained
towels.)
So we went shopping. There are a lot of furniture stores, did you know
that? And the names start to blur together after a while. We visited
Rooms to Go. RoomStore. Rooms at 45 Percent Financing. Magic Room Pills
(Just Add Water).
At the first store, we were happy, giggly, bouncing on mattresses and
eagerly examining armoires.
By the second, we were a little tired, snapping at each other while we
tried to discuss the pros and cons of papasans.
Four hours later, I was wildly searching a showroom office for a sharp
letter opener. I hated him. He was my enemy. Die! Die! Die! BLACK IT'S
SO BLACK IN MY HEAD AIEEE.
I don't remember much after that, but I do know that we came home with a
receipt for a bed frame and dresser. We weren't speaking to each other,
so I couldn't ask him what color we picked. I found out when it was
delivered two weeks later.
I was disturbed by what I thought was an unusual relationship meltdown,
so I discussed the experience with a happily married girlfriend. Upon
hearing my story, she nodded sadly.
"My husband and I almost got a divorce over an ottoman," she said.
So, remember. Before you and your loved one decide you need a new sofa,
think about starting a crack habit instead. I'm pretty sure that's what
Dr. Phil would recommend.
Jessica plans to open a marriage counseling clinic. Pre-book
appointments at jburgess@quickdfw.com.
