QuickDFW.com - Dallas/Fort Worth - Click It, Read It, Go! | columnists Alibaster K. Abthernabther

Check out my record label's SXSW offerings
Next week I will travel to Austin to attend something called the Southern by Southwestern Musician's Convention Rally. I think that's what it is called.

02/25/2008

Fashion Week is a flurry of frocks and fights
Bonjour, mes amis. I am writing to you from France, where I will spend the next several days swapping air kisses with heiresses and exchanging bons mots with the beau monde.

02/18/2008

May as well give in to President's Day shopping
According to my good friend and confidant, Wikipedia, the Presidents' Day holiday dates back only as far as the late 1980s.

02/11/2008

Live a life of utter excess at my new club
I am pleased as pineapple-peach punch to proclaim the grand opening of my new nightclub.

02/04/2008

I've defeated my soft-headed home invader
Your precious Alibaster K. Abthernabther is no more. I made sure of it. I orchestrated a home invasion that ensured he could not update his stupid blog at home. Then, when he went to the downtown library to use the public computers, I hacked his stupid blog and locked everyone out.

01/28/2008

Alibaster's assistant fills in for missing master
Good day to you, dear readers. My name is Reggie Part Two, and I am Alibaster Abthernabther's personal assistant and this week's surrogate columnist. I came under Master Abthernabther's employ recently, after his previous aide Reggie Part One was hit by a garbage truck while cleaning a swimming pool. His was a filthy, watery grave.

01/22/2008

Existential woe is at the heart of all my films
In addition to being a best-selling author, champion yacht racer, hot-air balloon enthusiast and Fabergé egg collector, I am also a rather accomplished producer of independent films.

01/14/2008

Alibaster K. Abthernabther: The future will be a crazy place
Editor's note: Alibaster K. Abthernabther is currently on safari in Tanzania. Instead of running an old piece from the Abthernabther Archives, this week we present a reprint of Alibaster's award-winning farewell column, to be published sometime in the distant future.

01/07/2008

My body is the biggest obstacle to fitness
Scarcely one week into the New Year, I have all but abandoned my haughty resolution to pursue a healthy, robust lifestyle.

12/31/2007

Only the best will do when it comes to ear hair
The year's end recurrently produces a profusion of annual inventories which allow us to recollect with revelry the most immediate of nostalgias.

12/24/2007

Christmas brings out worst in Abthernabthers
'Tis the day before Christmas, dear reader. In some ways, Christmas Eve is the saddest of all days. The Christmas parties and festive holiday soirées are now all but behind us. Abthernabther Manor is eerily quiet, a hollow ghostly shell of the rambunctious castle of holiday jollity that has been its usual state for the past several weeks.

12/17/2007

What's Christmas without festive mash-ups?
When I'm not racing yachts, piloting hot-air balloons, closing multibillion-dollar business deals or shrieking at my stockbroker through a Bluetooth earpiece while I'm standing in line at Starbucks, you will no doubt find me frequenting the hottest area nightclubs; what the kids today are fond of calling "clubbing."

12/10/2007

Alibaster: Trying to get into the spirit
I own a great many properties across Dallas-Fort Worth, including a modest Highland Park residence with an adjoining guest house, stable and servant's quarters. During the Christmas season I adorn this abode in delightful seasonal decor; a display which inevitably becomes the talk of the Park and the unquestionable, awe-inspiring apex of Highland Park Village's horse-drawn carriage tours.

12/03/2007

Why don't you try something a little 'frew'?
Greetings. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Alibaster K. Abthernabther. Among a great many things, I am a best-selling author, world champion yacht racer, hot-air balloon enthusiast, card-carrying member of Cold Stone Creamery's Birthday Club, and noted scholar of arts and letters.