TOPIC 1

Skin: I read that conservative lobbyists are worried the Obama administration will cut the $175 million spent annually on abstinence-only sex education programs. That's a lot of green to ensure that teenagers will instantly tune you out. Why not fund bribery programs that reward kids for repressing their raging hormonal urges with cash?

Ben: For $175 mil, you'd think the government could manufacture a line of impregnable and disease-free sex robots. Show me a problem and I'll show you a government robot that loves to have sex. Sex robots are our future, and it's about time that you accepted that. If not, they'll soon see you as little more than robot food. And even though they trust me, I won't be able to save you.

Skin: I plan on traveling to a leper colony and seeking my salvation through Tim Tebow. But I do recall as a teenager, I had a sex robot known as MYHAND, which was an acronym that stood for Manual Yohimbine Hardware Accessing Nirvana Device. I believe that model was an early version of the modern bot known as terapatrick.com.

Ben: Everyone thought it was weird that you modeled the body of your robot after C3P0, and gave him the voice of Richard Simmons

TOPIC 2

Ben: The new judge, Kara DioGuardi, is the real deal. She's hot, quick on her feet and can actually belt a tune. I hope she wins it all this year. Hey, when does Lost start? I'm in a TV slump. An Amy Poehler-less SNL has been weaker than Amy Winehouse naked on a Bowflex, and Flight of the Conchords almost gave the shark ramp a drive-by in week one.

Skin: I'd recommend televised sports, but it just jumped the shark and put the Cardinals in the Super Bowl. As for American Idol, are you telling me that Ronnie James Dio and Vince Guaraldi have started a supergroup? That brings back memories of burning one with Pig Pen when we caught Dio on tour. Damn, I miss the '80s.

Ben: I miss the '80s, too. Life was so much better when my parents were paying for everything, and all I had to do was fail at learning, collect expensive Zodiacs and tight-roll my Girbauds. TV never let me down with auto-gold like T.J. Hooker, B.J. and the Bear and Spenser: For Hire.

Skin: I'll never forget the spin-off of those three classics – B.J. Hooker for Hire. Or was that a robot I knew in high school?

TOPIC 3

Skin: I don't get it. A movie about a fat guy on a scooter in a mall wins the box office with more than $30 million. Isn't that money better spent imploring teens to refrain from the wonders of sex? They could then spend their spare time at the movies enjoying mindless slapstick comedies. Actually, I see a bad loop forming.

Ben: I love Kevin James, however I've heard nothing but terrible things about Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Seriously, two different people vomited while telling me about how awful it was. I know roughly 20 people who all cried tears of blood in the theater, and each one of them crapped their pants in amazement of how bad it was.

Skin: It's crazy that you roll, at minimum, 20 deep with folks who ran out to see Mall Cop on opening weekend. Then again, I have fewer than three friends total, because nobody likes to constantly be reminded that they have an amazingly high threshold for garbage consumption.

Ben: This comes from the man who never missed an episode of So You Think You Can Be America's Next Top Model Who Can Dance During a Home Makeover. Your whole sex robot-like existence is nothing more than a hypocritical case of the trashcan calling the trash bag a black kettle.

Hear the guys on The Ben and Skin Show weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m. on 105.3 "The Fan." E-mail them at skin@benandskin.com.