Gordon Keith
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Here's a status update from your fellow mouse
12:00 AM CDT on Friday, August 8, 2008
There is an old book called The Pop-Up Mice of Mr. Brice by Dr. Seuss. It is a great book. I loved it when I was a kid.
Mr. Brice has a problem. His house is infested with anthropomorphized rodents who possess mad skillz and quirky traits. He doesn't hate them or try to kill them. He just wants to tell you about them. He is simple and unmarried like that.
There is a two-page spread near the front of the book that features 26 little doors, each with a letter of the alphabet on it. When you open a little paper door it will say something like "Jimmie is eating Jam," or "Katie went to Kalamazoo." You go through the whole alphabet like that, picking a letter and opening the door to learn about the little mouse who lives there.
Sadly, Mr. Brice died in 1984 of flu-like symptoms (speculation), but he would be happy to know that his "house of mice" has gone digital and is worth millions of dollars. It is called Facebook. If only Mr. Brice had an RSS feed to keep tabs on his many mice, like I do.
Here is what my mice were doing as of this morning:
• Amanda is retouching her fingernails.
• Bob is making a square peg fit inside a round hole.
• Charlene is mad at her mother.
• Danny broke his bowl.
• Eric is regretting his decision.
• Farrah is happy to be alive.
• Greg is appearing at Hyena's in Arlington.
• Hiram is talking jive.
• Ingrid sold a painting today!
• Joe is mourning his dad.
• Katie is no longer bicurious.
• Leah's new haircut is BAAADDDDDD.
• Mark is listening to Johnny Cash.
• Nate's whisky is poured.
• Oliver is trying to clean up the mess he made.
• Pam is totally bored.
• Quinten is calling off the wedding.
• Ricky is editing tonight.
• Sven is giving a performance at Borders.
• Tim misses his wife.
• Ursala is slowly becoming an astronaut.
• Vicki drinks top shelf.
• Walt is wondering why you are yelling.
• Xander is gay for himself.
• Zac is wrapping up at work and about to meet up with Dave.
• Theodor Geisel is 6 feet under, rolling in his grave.
Hear Gordon on "The Ticket" KTCK-AM (1310) weekdays from 5:30 to 10 a.m. Catch him on TV on The Gordon Keith Show, Saturdays at 11:35 p.m. on Channel 8. E-mail him at gordon@gordonkeith.com.
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